THE VISION

There was a time in my life that I experienced the loss of the love of my life, the betrayal of my best friend, and the surfacing of physical and emotional abuse suffered as a child.  At that time, I believed the best way to deal with the pain was to run and that is exactly what I did. I moved across the country with my son and two cats.  I was determined to do anything possible to enable my son and I to have a happy life. Did I ask God if my decision was in His plan? No, I did not. That was the first of many mistakes that came very close to destroying my life and separating me forever from the people I loved the most.

Months later I sent my son to live with his grandmother until I could deal with the dysfunction that was over-taking our lives.  There were times I felt I could not go on because of the depression I was experiencing. It was during that time frame, while living in Florida, I experienced my first vision, although I am not sure how to classify the experience.  I was exhausted from working one evening and from the onset of strip throat.  Lying on the twin bed in a small-darkened bedroom I rented from a couple I barely knew I saw above me what looked like a white mist. As it formed it gradually became thicker and whiter.  As I looked at the moving form, there appeared what seemed to be a man pounding nails into a roof.  He was on his knees with hammer in hand.  Then suddenly it was gone.  I was left with the realization that it looked like the person, a step family member  who assaulted me when I was three years old.  I asked the Lord if the mist was what I thought it was, and then I turned over and went to sleep.  The next thing I knew someone was knocking at my bedroom door around 7:00 AM in the morning.  The person knocking was my roommate telling me my friend, who lived across the street, had come to tell me my family in West Virginia was attempting to get ahold of me and to call immediately. I dressed and ran over to my friend Tina’s apartment and called my family.  The person I saw in the vision had fallen off the roof while on his last job before retirement and was now in a coma.  I flew home immediately and went to the hospital to be with my family and to visit him.  Soon, I was standing by his bed holding his hand and telling him it would be all right.  As my eyes moved from him to the door which went into the adjoining waiting room, I looked to see if another family member was wanting to come in next to visit him.  Suddenly, I heard him say: “help me”.   My head jerked around toward him, expecting to see he had come out of the coma he was suffering from.   I looked at his eyes, and they were closed. I looked at his mouth for movement, and there was none.  I called his name and received no response.  What I discovered after several seconds was the fact that he was still in a coma.

I know what I heard loud and clear.  If this occurred today, I would pray with him and ask God to let him live.  I would ask God to forgive him, which I hope he did years after the attack on me when he gave his life to the Lord in church. He and I never discussed the incident during my childhood.  Before he gave his life to the Lord, for many years I was on the alert to always know where he was in our home because he attempted repeatedly until the age of sixteen to assault me again.  Growing up in this environment, I believe made me super sensitive to everything around me.  The only comfort I received during those years was from the Lord.  The Lord was my friend and Savior.  I cried out many times to Him that he had made a mistake; He had put me in the wrong family.  Now as I look backwards, I know I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  I learned mercy and forgiveness for those who hurt me.  I learned strength in difficult family struggles and disfunction.  I learned to trust the Lord in all things because He protected me and guided me.  My family was not poor, but we were not middle class. We had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I had hand-me down clothes from my two cousins and I love all the clothes they shared with me.

Eventually I returned to Florida and the individual eventually died several months later. The vision and the dying man’s voice was the first of many times God has demonstrated His presence.  Three times His voice behind my right shoulder literally saved my life.  He has communicated with me through dreams of warning; the most recent was a dream of the coming virus and its severity. It showed sparking lights demonstrating lives flowing like a waterfall.  I was aware that more deaths would occur than what was being predicted.

What I experience is something I come to depend on.  God can show up whenever He wants.  I talk with God every day and night before I go to bed.  I ask His advice often thru my days and He truly does direct my path.  I would like to say my life has been easy because I have always followed His direction, but I cannot.   I look back occasionally to those off path days with shame and regret.  I eventually fell on my knees and ask the Lord to save me and help me to get my life together and become the person He wanted me to be.  I earned a Bachelor of Science degree from Liberty University and two masters from Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary. God allowed me to preach and teach at a youth detention center in South Dakota for five years, during which time many of the youth gave their lives to Christ.  My heart is for the hurting people of our country and the world.  I can relate with those who make mistakes, with those who suffer depression, with those who are sexually and emotionally abused, with those who are crying out for the pain to stop.  I was there and I know.  I know that without Jesus I would not be alive today.  He is our Father and He is in control of everything; even when we decide to walk our own path.  He will not give up on us.  He will not let the enemy achieve his evil plan to lie, steal, and destroy our lives.

What I have shared with many when I share my life walk with God is to believe.  That is the first step.  Get on your knees and ask God to come into your heart; to forgive you; to comfort you; to direct your path and to be your Father.  Like a little baby we crawl away from our past and as we grow stronger and more confident in the Lord, we stand tall and walk with Him.  Walk toward the life to come and to eternity with Him.  Thank you, LORD.